I Played Baldur's Gate 3 Way Too Much and Found These Weird Endings

I have been playing Baldur's Gate 3 for several years now, and in 2026 I am still finding new ways to emotionally damage my companions. I mainline tea, ignore the main quest, and then wonder why everyone is sad. The epilogue patch gave me closure. I then spent far too long turning that closure into a circus. So heed this warning: massive spoilers ahead.

⚠️ Massive spoilers ahead.

Astarion: Six Months of Hide-and-Seek

If you keep Astarion in the party but never finish his personal quest, Cazador survives. I did this by accident on one run because I was busy looting every crate in Act 3. In the epilogue, Astarion tells you he has been hiding. He is still terrified that Cazador will find him. After defeating an entire Netherbrain, he wants you to come back and help him deal with his old boss. That is not a heroic ending. That is a group chat message at 2 a.m. saying 'hey, you up? I have a vampire problem.'

Shadowheart: Cottagecore Therapy With Wolves

Shadowheart can reject Shar in Act 2 and save her parents from the House of Grief. The result is surprisingly wholesome. She moves into an abandoned cottage with her parents and renovates it. She adopts pets. She adopts wolf cubs, which is remarkable because she spent much of the game terrified of wolves. If that is not exposure therapy, I do not know what is. She also brews hard apple cider from fruit she grows with her parents. I immediately suggested she open a brewery. More visitors, more cider, fewer Shar-related panic attacks.

Lae'zel: Accidental Gith Parent

Steal the githyanki egg, keep it, and make sure Lae'zel is alive with the egg in her inventory. In the epilogue, the egg has hatched. Lae'zel raises the child and names him Xan, which means freedom in her language. I still have questions about gith childcare logistics. Did she use a stolen backpack as a crib? Regardless, she lets Xan choose his own path as he grows up. That is more freedom than she ever had, and honestly, it is the most surprising wholesome outcome I have seen in this game.

Karlach: Divine Romance Saves the Day

If you play as Karlach, romance Gale, and push him to become a god, the infernal engine problem gets a very creative solution. Gale uses his divinity to bring Karlach to Elysium to live with him forever. It is better than Avernus. It is also a huge flex. Imagine dying slowly from an infernal engine, then your wizard boyfriend becomes a god and says, 'Actually, you are moving to paradise.' I laughed for a full minute.

Gale: Squid Wizard Gets a Divine Refund

Origin Gale can become an illithid during the climax. But if he brings the Crown of Karsus to Mystra and asks for forgiveness, she restores his human body and brings him to Elysium. This is like turning in a bad costume and getting your deposit back. Gale gets to be a person again. Whether living with Mystra is healthy is another question. But compared to being a mind flayer, I would take the goddess's guest room.

Gale: The Mind Flayer God of Ambition

Alternatively, Origin Gale can become a mind flayer and then ascend to godhood. He stays in mind flayer form. He is a glowing-eyed squid god of ambition. Picture his first sermon. He has to convince worshippers to overlook the tentacles. I respect the audacity. This ending is absolutely unhinged, but it exists.

Lae'zel: The Rarest Terrible Choice

This one is so rare that Larian once reported only 34 players had it. You must play as Lae'zel, side with Vlaakith, fail her by refusing to kill Orpheus or by becoming a mind flayer, then ask to be ascended to the Astral Plane. Vlaakith refuses. Lae'zel stabs herself. It is bleak. It is also weirdly compelling because you have to be deeply committed to serving a lich queen who clearly does not care about you. I felt like I had earned a gold medal in bad decisions.

Quick Weirdness Ranking

I did not unlock all of them in one playthrough. I am not that insane. Actually, I am, but I would rather save scum in private. Baldur's Gate 3 keeps giving me reasons to ruin my party's lives for science. I regret nothing.